My Secret to a Lasting Marriage

By Maggie Dulcio, LMHC, CAP

You are probably reading this because the title may have caught your attention or you may be somewhat curious to find out my secret to a lasting marriage.  Nonetheless, let me tell you a short story that will help you understand my secret much clearer.  My secret to a lasting marriage, as you will discover is very simple.

Recently my cousin came to visit us for about a week.  I’ve always enjoyed welcoming guests to our home especially family and old friends that I have not seen in a while.  I had not seen my cousin for over a year and the time we spent together while she visited was just wonderful.  My dear cousin suffers from anxiety.  She has anxiety about driving in the car and her anxiety significantly increases especially when riding on the highway.  My loving cousin does not drive, her husband and children does the driving for her.  The anxiety developed years ago after she witnessed a car running over her husband.  Fortunately, her husband survived that horrific accident but my cousin continues to struggle with the memory of the event, which has led to her anxiety.  She tries desperately to overcome her anxiety, but she is not quite there yet. 

My cousin was born in Haiti and she grew up near the water.  She finds peace and solace near the water however, she does not get to go to the beach very often.  While visiting, she saw a news piece on the TV and it brought some of her childhood memories, her early memories about growing up by the water.  The news story featured one of the local beaches and I could clearly see the excitement in her face as she watched that story.  After seeing her excitement, being the good cousin that I am(wink, wink), I offered to take her to the beach that was featured in the news.  Surprisingly, my cousin agreed to go.  I knew this was going to be a challenge because in order to get to the beach, we were going to have to drive on the highway.  The next day, my sweet cousin got in the vehicle, sat in the back of the car and closed her eyes for the duration of the one hour drive to the beach.  Despite my various attempts at encouraging her to open her eyes by telling her about the different sites as we were passing them, her eyes remained shut.  My attempts were futile.

As I thought more about my cousin’s behavior from the drive to the beach, I considered the similarity between her actions and my attitude regarding my marriage.  My cousin, despite her fear of riding on the highway, got in my car, sat in the rear  seat, closed her eyes and surrendered completely to my care; trusting that I was going to get her to the beach. 

This so much mirror my stance on my marriage.  Hear me out for a moment.  Let me do what I can to explain what I’m trying to get across.  In early July, I celebrated 18 years of marriage to my husband.  People will often ask my husband and me the same questions.  “You guys always look so happy, how do you do it?  What is your secret?”  I’m very fortunate and very pleased that marriage have endured some terrible storms.  Believe me; I can’t take all the credit for this.  The success of my marriage is beyond my level of comprehension, my effort and/or strength. 

OK I know I need to do some more explaining.

I do believe in a higher power, God and I’ve learned that when you surrender completely to the higher power, God has your best interest at heart and He has complete control of the universe.  What that means is that God is controlling and orchestrating every situation and every aspect of your life to your benefit if you allow Him.  For the sake of time, I will say this, the higher power has been able to work in me and my marriage and has affected my thoughts and reaction to things.  I sometimes respond to things in ways that are outside my natural reaction and ways of doing things.  What I’ve decided to do is to sit back in the back of the “car” with my eyes closed despite my anxiety and desire to do things my way, trusting that my higher power will get me to my final destination safely.  I’m going to be honest with you.  I said the secret is simple but I never said it was easy.  Just like life, my secret to a lasting marriage is simple but not easy.

People may look at my marriage and think it’s a perfect marriage.  Those close to me who have seen me through some of the storms know the real story.  My marriage has had some up and downs just like any other marriage.  Moreover, we will continue to go through other storms but I’m relying on my higher power to help me through them.  Nevertheless, I’ve been blessed with 18 years of marriage and six children.  My own effort had little to do with the success of my marriage.  It has been taking the back seat, closing my eyes and letting God despite my desire to take control to get in the driver seat.  Hence, I can now say, to the next 18 years!

How Your Distorted Thoughts Could be Affecting Your Relationships-Part I

By Maggie Dulcio, LMHC, CAP

Do you know that a recent study done by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) found that the number reason for divorce in the United States was communication problems?  I once worked with a couple who had some trust issues in their relationship, however they both agreed that communication was a major problem in the relationship.  A great example of a communication breakdown was given during one of my sessions with this couple.  The girlfriend said once she called  the boyfriend to tell him she was going to one of her aunt’s house to visit and the boyfriend commented that girlfriend should careful not to become like the aunt.  According to the couple, the aunt unemployed and had been unproductive most of her life.  The girlfriend interpreted the boyfriend comment as “I don’t want you going to your aunt’s house”.  When this incident was brought up in the session, the boyfriend stated, “I never told you that I didn’t want you to go to your aunt’s house”.   Clearly, this couple needs to work on their communication skills. 

Communication is reliant on on how people cope with things.  There are four major coping styles: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive.  We’ll delve into the coping styles in future blogs.  Communication does not only involve coping styles, listening skills also play a big part.  Good listening requires four elements.

1. The message has to be heard.  Our brain recognizes sound as it enters the ear.  However, we select what we listen to and we pay attention to non-verbal cues such as body language and tone of voice.
2. The message must be interpreted.  This is where we often run into problems.  Both the listener and the speaker have filters.  Because of this, we may misinterpret the message due to our filters.  Some common filter or some things that may distort our thinking:
   1. Memories
   2. Feelings
   3. Language/vocabulary
   4. Past experiences
   5. Biases
3. It is very important to evaluate the message.  You can do that by asking questions for clarification.  You want to insure you have all the key information and that you are not jumping into conclusion.
4. Lastly, you want to respond to the message.  Yes! Responding to the message is part of listening.  A response is critical to clear communication

Remember I mentioned that interpretation is often where the breakdown in communication occurs.  Our thoughts and feelings will affect how we interpret the message, however, those thoughts and feeling can be distorted.  Let’s take a look at some common distorted thinking.

1. Filtering.             You focus on the negative details while ignoring all the positive aspects of a situation.
2. Polarized Thinking.         Things are black or white, good or bad.  You have to be perfect or you’re a failure.  There’s no middle ground, no room for mistakes.
3. Overgeneralization.  You reach a general conclusion based on a single incident or piece of evidence.  You exaggerate the frequency of problems and use negative global labels.
4. Mind Reading.  Without their saying so, you know what people are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, you have certain knowledge of how people think and feel about you.
5. Catastrophizing.              You expect, even visualize disaster.  You notice or hear about a problem and start asking, “what if?” What if tragedy strikes?  What if it happens to you?
6. Magnifying.      You exaggerate the degree or intensity of a problem.  You turn up the volume on anything bad, making it loud, large, and overwhelming.
7. Personalization.              You assume that everything people do or say is some kind of reaction to you.  You also compare yourself to others, trying to determine who is smarter, more competent, better looking, and so on.
8. Shoulds.              You have a list of ironclad rules about how you and other people should act. People who break the rules anger you, and you feel guilty when you violate the rules.

When we have these distorted viewpoints, they affect how we interact with others.  I will present some examples and discuss how these distorted thoughts affect our relationship in the next entry.

How your distorted thoughts could be affecting your relationships—Part II

By Maggie Dulcio, LMHC, CAP

In my last post I introduced the impact of our distorted thinking on our relationships. So this time around, I would like to horn in on the eight limited thinking patterns previously presented. I will introduce four of the eight in this post and will continue with the other four next time.  Let me start with a short story. I had a client once who had been studying and working hard to pass the state teaching certification exam. She took the test several times and could not pass it.  Her co-workers were very well aware of her situation and felt terrible for her.  She finally took the test and passed it after her fifth attempt.  That day when she took the exam, she got the results immediately. She was so elated she called one of her colleagues, Cindy whom she was closest to and shared the good news.  The test was given on a Saturday and during the weekend, while Cindy was at the gym she saw another co-worker, Laura.  In her excitement, Cindy shared the news with Laura.  When my client got to her job on Monday, Laura came to her and congratulated her on the passing of the exam.  My client was livid that her colleague had informed others that she had passed the exam.  She felt that she, the client should have been the one tell anyone and that her colleague, Cindy, should have known not to tell others. My client went to Cindy, in a not so pleasant way, and expressed how she felt about what the situation.  Cindy was completely stunned by my client’s reaction.  I think this is a great example of the shouldsdistorted thinking.

Let me introduce you to the eight characters of our distorted thoughts

1 Filtering           We focus on the negative details while ignoring all the positive aspects of a situation.

Filtering Fiona has a seven-year-old son. He is constantly getting into trouble, at school his grades are poor because he is not putting any effort in completing his work and his teacher is constantly requesting for a parent-teacher conference. Filtering Fiona is asked to come to the school for a meeting with the teacher. When she gets there, the teacher tells Filtering Fiona that she is continuing to have problems with her son.  The teacher recommends that Filtering Fiona get some tutoring to help the seven-year-old with schoolwork because he seems to be struggling with some of the materials. The teacher also informed Filtering Fiona the son entered an art contest at school and he won first place and will be moving on to the regional competitions.   The teacher indicates that the son is very artistic and may need to find some ways of channeling his talent and this may possibly be way to motivate her son.  During the entire meeting all that Filtering Fiona could think about is that she is sitting in another parent-teacher conference because her son is not doing well in school and “why can’t my son be like the other children"?

Have you ever met anyone who only focuses on the negative? Can you imagine having to constantly deal with that person? They are unable to see the brighter side of things.  They complain about everything and do not believe things can ever get better. This can really impact how that person interacts with others.              

2 Polarized Thinking       Things are black or white, good or bad. We have to be perfect or we are a failure. There is no middle ground, no room for mistakes.

Polarized Thinking Pete, grew up being told that in order to be successful you need a college degree.  He truly believes “it is your degree that is going to land that dream job” as he was told growing up. Polarized Thinking Pete had to drop out of school his second year of college before he could earn his Associate Degree because his parents had an accident and he had to help out the family.  His goal is to go back to school one day and complete his degree.  He is currently having some issues in his current relationship. Polarized Thinking Pete is considering ending his relationship with Sue. They have been together for two years. Polarized Thinking Pete thinks that Sue should go to school to complete her bachelor’s degree. Sue has been at her job for the last four years and likes her job.  She’s expecting to get a promotion and would like to eventually move up the ladder and manage her department. Sue believes she can do this without a college degree. Polarized thinking Pete believes that in order for Sue to succeed she would need to get her Bachelor’s degree.  This has caused a lot of strife in the relationship. Polarized Thinking Pete believes that education equates to success and that the only way to ensure success is to have a degree. Sue is a hard worker and she loves her job and believes her hard work is going to ensure her success.  Other than this issue, the couple is quite compatible and they truly enjoy spending time with each other.  However, Polarized Thinking Pete does not believe that the relationship can work if Sue is unwilling to go back to school and earn her degree.

With this pattern of thinking there is no middle ground. When dealing with someone with that thinking pattern it’s hard to find a compromise.  The person only sees things as either or with no gray area.  

3 Overgeneralization     We reach a general conclusion based on a single incident or piece of evidence. We exaggerate the frequency of problems and use negative global labels.

Overgeneralization Opal met Michael about a month ago and they seem to hit it off right from the start. They have been talking on the phone nightly. They’ve discovered that they have many things in common and similar interests. After talking for about a month, Opal finally summed up the courage to ask Michael on a date and Michael gladly accepted.  They decided on dinner and a movies for their first date. Shortly after they arranged the date, Michael’s work got very busy and he had to work late so, he was not able to talk on the phone with Opal like they had been doing.  Unfortunately, the night before their date Michael got a call from his parents asking him to come home to help them deal with his younger sister.  Unfortunately, Michael had to call and cancel the date.  Overgeneralization Opal does not take the news well.  She thinks that Michael was turned off that she was the one who asked him on a date and got cold feet so he decided to cancel the date.  Overgeneralization Opal starts thinking about previous guys in her life who blew her off and believes this is happening to her once again.  When Michael gets back in town and calls Overgeneralization Opal, she gives him the cold shoulder.

This is the person who tends to use superlatives when dealing with his/her situations.  They will judge a situation based on unfounded beliefs.

4 Mind Reading                 Without their saying so, we know what people are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, we have certain knowledge of how people think and feel about us.

Mind Reading Mindy is taking a Sociology class at the local college. She speaks openly about her faith and on the first day of the class she had a heated debate about her religious views with the professor.  She now believes that her professor does not like her due to her views. The professor has assigned a group project and selected the individuals in each group. Mind Reading Mindy believes that the professor has put her in a group with people she does not get along with and that they are not as motivated as she is and the professor did that because he does not like her. Mind Reading Mindy also believes that she has been graded unfairly on a few of the assignments for the same reason. She believes that this all started from the beginning of the semester when she expressed her religious beliefs in class. Interestingly Mind Reading Mindy does not know that the professor is of the same faith as she is, he no ill feelings towards her and actually enjoys having Mind Reading Mindy in his class.

This can be a challenge because as humans, we want to get a read on people as this can be useful in protecting ourselves from harm.  This becomes a problem when we automatically believe that our distorted thoughts are accurate without clear evidence.

FOOD Can Stifle Dreams

By Maggie Dulcio, LMHC, CAP

We all know that as human beings we need food to survive and for our wellness.  We have to ensure that we nourish our body with the proper nutrients and vitamins and it is vital to make the right food choices.  I do not need to tell you that the food we put into our body can affect our wellness negatively or positively.  Food can affect our mood just as much as it can have a physical impact.  Additionally, food can also affect us financially.  Poor food choices can lead to health problems that can end up costing a lot of money.  Conversely, investing in a healthy diet could mean avoiding some expensive health pitfalls.  Consequently, I have a passion for the natural health revolution and I am sharing with others the benefits of the Moringa plant, the healthiest plant on earth.  My goal is to help people make better food choices while taking care of themselves so that they can enjoy complete wellness.

You may now be wondering as the title indicates, “how can FOOD stifle dreams”?  Bear with me a minute.  Has it ever felt like your dreams are bigger than your life experiences? Your education? Your circumstances?  Has people ever laugh at you or give you a peculiar look when you share your dreams with them?  How about every time you think you are closer to your dreams it seems as if you’ve made three steps back? Or maybe you’ve lost hope and don’t think you can ever reach your dreams.  If so, you may be feeling the effects of FOOD on your dreams.  As a result, you may be thinking you need to downsize your dreams.  Before you start to shrink your dreams to fit into your current situation, consider the following.  The common culprit for stealing our dreams:

Fear—will often hold us back from going after our dreams.  Fear can paralyze us and prevent us from taking actions.  We make excuses as to the reasons we can’t do this or that.  We are afraid of failing and sometimes we are even afraid of succeeding.

Opinions--of other people can hold us hostage where we don’t go for our dreams. You could be hearing what other people have to say instead of striving for a different level.  It could be that you shared your vision and those around you do not have similar beliefs.  Looking that the failures of others could be something that is holding you back from going after your dreams. You could have people in your circle who have little faith in you and what you can achieve.

Obstacles—“If at first you don’t succeed try and try again” is something that we hear all the time.  Sometimes we encounter so many challenges we simply give up.  We may think that because we encounter so many obstacles, it must be the universe telling us to accept our current situation.

Doubt—we start thinking we don’t have the qualifications or our dreams are too big.  We list our limitations and place restrictions on our capabilities.

The only way to overcome the effect of FOOD on your dreams is to be in the right mindset.  Our mind will create some thoughts that will cause us to experience certain feelings that will ultimately determine our action.  There is one piece of advice that I give to my children all the time, “your mind is a powerful thing”.  Your thoughts will determine what you become.  We need to fill our mind with good and hopeful thoughts to avoid the effect of FOOD on our dreams. Do you want to live out your dreams, visit: https://dulciomagdala.myzija.com/

A New Vision

By Maggie Dulcio, LMHC, CAP

It’s been a few weeks since my last post because I was traveling out of the country.  I have also decided to post my articles twice per month instead of weekly.  It has been a very challenging task writing the weekly articles with the various responsibilities already on my plate.  So I went on a vacation with my family.  A well overdue time away.  We went to the beautiful island of Haiti and stayed at an all inclusive resort, the Royal Decameron.  We had an absolute wonderful time!  The food was amazing, entertainment outstanding and amenities superb!  I could not have ask for a more perfect vacation!

I also had the opportunity to visit a few missions while in Haiti.  I went to see the Future of Haiti Orphanage (FOHO).  My heart sank when I saw those beautiful children.  They were so loving and sweet despite their lacks.  Some of them had no shoes on their feet and torn clothing but that did not stop them from smiling and giving a warm embrace.  They were such happy children! I also visited some children who were attending Vacation Bible School, a mission from Brandon, FL was leading the program.  It was such a joy seeing those children so happy and being fed both natural and spiritual food. 

After my trip to Haiti, I’ve refocused my perspective and have decided to initiate some new programs under my non-profit organization, Voice of Distress Relieved, Inc.  In the United States, we are blessed with so much that we often take them for granted.  We turn on the faucet without giving any thought that many places around the world people have to travel very long distance to get water.  We turn on the switch in our homes and know that our lights will turn on.  In Haiti, I saw so many people who were desperately making lemonade out of lemons.  The people are very enterprising, I met a few guys who were using discarded metals and rubber to make various art crafts to sell to tourists.  I saw hard working women waking up at wee hours in the morning, filling their baskets, placing it over their head, walking the streets, selling various items to help support their family.  They often do that for many years often time with little to show for it.  Unfortunately, they don’t have small business loans to help grow their businesses or investors looking to invest in the next big thing. Those entrepreneurs don’t have the opportunity to seek loans from The Small Business Administration, get a loan from a local bank or find Angel investors.  It is not that they are not hard working people and want to rely on others for financial support.  Sadly, it’s the lack of opportunity for individuals and small business owners have little to no chance to thrive that keeps these people in a state of deprivation.

In passing, pastor Ken who was leading the mission group from Brandon informed me that he was considering bringing some women from his mission to come to Haiti to teach the women how to sew.  As he talked about his project, I reminisced about growing up in Haiti and how much I enjoyed going to the seamstress to be sized for a new dress.  After the meeting with Pastor Ken and hearing about his plan to teach the women how to sew, I thought about how great it would be if those women who learned how to sew could make clothes for those orphan children I saw at the orphanage.  It would be so nice if we could get sewing machines and fabric donated.  We will be meeting with this group from Brandon to discuss future projects and see how we can collaborate on future projects.

There will be upcoming information about investing in the people of Haiti and small businesses in Haiti.  Stay tuned!  For additional information about my non-profit organization, please visit: www.vdraction.org.

What is your parenting style?

By Maggie Dulcio, LMHC, CAP

Recently, as I conducted a parenting class, we were discussing Erikson’s psychosocial developmental stages.  I mentioned from the age of three to six years old, youngsters experience the initiative vs. guilt crisis.  During this stage, children need to have the opportunity for exploration.  During this stage they begin to have the capability to devise actions and projects and a confidence and belief that it is okay to do so.  Children are exploring and experimenting in pursuit of learning, development and confidence.  As a parent, you want to allow children the freedom of adventure and discovery during this stage.  During the discussion, one of the parents mentioned that he does not recall going through that stage as a child.  Amusingly, this parent said he remembered as a child having strict rules and boundaries that were not to be crossed.  He could not play in the house, if he was told to sit in the front porch, he knows he couldn’t budge until he was told to do so. His comments prompted the conversation about parenting styles.

There are four major styles of parenting, authoritative, authoritarian, permissive and uninvolved.  The authoritative style is characterized by parents who are warm but firm.  The parents have high demands but permit expression from the child. Parents who use that style engage in discussions and debates with their child about the rules but ultimately, the parents make the final decision.  With the authoritarian style, parents display little warmth and are highly controlling.  They are strict disciplinarians and insist that children follow parental directions.  Authoritarian parents do not engage in discussions and debates about the rules with their children.  Next is the permissive parent.  They are very nurturing and warm and are undemanding.  They are indulgent and passive in their parenting.  They do not expect compliance from their children.  Lastly, the uninvolved parents are not warm and are disengaged with their children.  They can be so uninvolved to the point of being neglectful.  They use the hands-off approach and do not care whether the child is compliant.  Those are the four major categories of parenting but the research have shown that most parents use a combination of parenting styles.

Research has indicated that the authoritative style is the most effective parenting style.  According to the research, children with authoritative parents tend to be independent, they challenge rules appropriately and behaves when parents are not present.  On the other hand, authoritarian parents tend to have children that are withdrawn and anxious, they can misbehave behind parents’ back. Children with permissive parents are shown to be immature and have little self-control.  Uninvolved parents have children that are angry, anxious and rebellious.  With uninvolved parent, academically, children tend to poor-achievers.  The authoritative styles seems to have the best outcomes for children.

We can agree that parents can affect children’s development.  There is something else to be noted from the research; it’s that children’s behavior can affect parenting styles as well.  Additionally, cultural factors also play a role in parenting styles and child outcome.  In conclusion, it’s demonstrated that the authoritative style has the best child outcome but it’s important to keep in mind other social factors, culture and the child’s temperament.

Maggie Dulcio

Oasis Counseling, LLC 813-685-6700

The Cost of Care

By Maggie Dulcio, LMHC, CAP

I recently heard Dee Hutchins, a former basketball coach and retired teacher, speak on what we need to do to take good care of ourselves.  He is a health expert and has had the opportunity to rub elbows with many renowned individuals in the sports world.  He has worked with and trained several athletes.  He truly believes that the body is our temple and we need to do whatever necessary to maintain it.  Dee made it very simple, he said if we wanted to take good care of ourselves we needed to do these four simple things: have a good night sleep, drink plenty of water, be active and eat well.

Sleep is essential for a person’s health and wellbeing.  According to the American Psychological Association (APA) 60% of adults report having sleep problems a few nights during the week.  Additionally, 69% of children experience one or more sleep problems a few nights a week.  Although individual sleep needs vary, most adults need between six to eight (6-8) hours of sleep per night.  Benefits of a good night sleep include: improved mood, better health, better weight control, better memory and better focus.  Many studies have been conducted and results are the same, sleep deprivation affects mental and physical wellness.                                                                                                                         

Another important key to wellness is ensuring we drink plenty of water daily.  The human body is made up of 65% water.  Unfortunately, many of us are not drinking enough water.  Water helps keep our temperature regulated, lubricate and cushion joints and get rid of wastes through urination, perspiration and bowel movements.

If we want to be healthy, we need to be active.  Exercise is one of the most important activity for your health. Physical activity can help combat many health conditions and diseases.  It can reduce the risk of heart disease and Type II Diabetes and Metabolic Syndrome.  Being active can also reduce the risk of some cancers and control one’s weight.  Studies have shown that exercise can improve Mental Health and improve mood.  It also will boost energy and promote better sleep.

Lastly, a balanced diet is vital for good health and well-being.  Food provides our bodies with energy, protein, essential fats, vitamins and minerals to grow and function properly.  Daily food choices make a big difference in our health.  Good nutrition can help reduce risk of some diseases, including heart disease, diabetes, strokes, some cancer and osteoporosis.  Good nutrition will improve the ability to recover from illness and injury and increase energy level.  Nutritious meals mean your body gets all the nutrients, vitamins and minerals it need to work its best.  Our body needs plenty of fruits and vegetables daily.  We need to eat plenty of whole grains and should drink low-fat or fat-free milk.  It is also recommended that we eat lean meats or replace meats and poultry with fish, beans or tofu.

It is estimated that two-thirds of American adults are overweight or obese.  Additionally, the US Department of Agriculture, reports a healthier diet could prevent at least $71 billion per year in medical costs and lost lives.  75% of healthcare dollars are spent on treating preventable diseases.  Dee Hutchins said something that resonated with me.  He said sleep, water, exercise are essentially free!  Basically, three out of the four important thinks we need to do to take good care of ourselves is free.  It only require some efforts on our part.  We know that the cost of proper nutrition is a challenge that many faces.  Buying fruits and vegetables and healthy meals can get a bit expensive.  Although eating proper nutritious meals may be more costly than eating food lacking nutritious value, ultimately we end up saving more due to the healthcare cost savings from preventing diseases such as diabetes, hypertension and cardiovascular disease to name a few.  Another challenge that we face is that due to harsh processing and manufacturing of food, there’s a dietary void and food vital nutrients are damaged through the course of production or harvest.  Sadly, we might be spending the money but just not getting the needed nutrients from our food because it’s simply not there.

I’m a distributor for a great natural health company and the core ingredient for their products is the Moringa Oleifera plant. 

They have a nutritional product, the SuperMix which contain all nine essential amino acids, plus nine additional amino acids.  The supplement contains vital proteins, omega oils, all the required vitamins and minerals our body needs. By consuming this nutrition regularly, it can help control food cravings and allow us to feel more sustained.  Some of the health benefits of this nutrition include nourishing the body’s immune system, promoting healthy digestion, helping maintain healthy blood sugar levels, increasing energy, heightening mental clarity, promoting healthy circulation and delivering anti-inflammatory support.

For additional information visit:

https://dulciomagdala.myzija.com/zija_nation/zn_core_moringa.html?country=us&language=EN

Depression is Real

By Maggie Dulcio, LMHC, CAP

Do you know anyone who suffers from Depression?  Chances are you do and you may not even be aware of it.  It is estimated that 80% of individuals affected by depression do not receive treatment.  Two (2) out of three (3) people suffering with depression do not actively seek nor receive proper treatment.  Depression is the leading cause of disability in the U.S. for ages 11- 44.  It affects more that 15 million American adults.  As many as one (1) in 33 children and one (1) in eight (8) adolescents have clinical depression.  Depression affects how you feel, think and handle daily activities.  Symptoms include:

• Persistent sadness, anxious mood or feeling an “empty” mood
• Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
• Irritability
• Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities
• Decreased energy or fatigue
• Moving or talking more slowly
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering or making decisions
• Sleep disturbance
• Appetite/weight changes
• Aches or pains, digestive problems without clear physical cause
• Thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts

Despite the prevalence of depression in our society, there are some common myths that need to be addressed.

Myth

Depression is not a real illness, you can simply “snap out of it”.

Truth

Depression is not mere sadness or even a weakness of character.  It has social, psychological and biological origins. Depression is a medical condition in which your brain chemistry, function, and structure are negatively affected.

Myth

Depression only happens when something bad happens in your life.

Truth

Depression is more than just having occasional feelings of sadness when things don’t go well for you.  Depression can come on suddenly, even when things in your life may appear to be going well.

Myth

Depression only affects women

Truth

It is true that women more often report symptoms of depression.  However, in our society there are pressure on men to not discuss their feelings.  Depression can affect men as well as women. Additionally, men are more likely to commit suicide than women.

Myth

Anti depressant always cure depression.

Truth

Depression is treatable.  Your doctor may prescribe may prescribe anti depressant medications.  These drugs alter the brain chemistry however, these medication often aren’t enough alone.  Combining medications with talk therapy is a common treatment strategy.

There is no one proven way to help people recover from depression.  It is different for everyone.  Common treatment include medication, talk therapy and alternative and complementary treatment.  I have personal experience dealing with depression and I have seen positive results from using Moringa Oleifera.  The Moringa is the most nutritious plant and has many medicinal uses.  Depression caused by nutritional deficiencies will general improve with a daily consumption of Moringa Oleifera leaf powder.  Additionally, as a high protein food and a rich source of the amino acid tryptophan benefiting neurotransmitter functions including those that produce serotonin.  Moringa is al rich in antioxidants that improve thyroid health which help maintain high energy levels and fighting fatigue. It has been documented by more then 1,300 studies, articles and reports that Moringa Oleifera has many healing abilities.  Moringa is also known to boost energy levels and improve mood and mental clarity.  Moringa Oleifera was named the plant of the year by the National Institute of Health in 2008. It was also featured in Dr. Oz.’s talk show and many companies are now harvesting and manufacturing several products with the Moringa plant.  If you are under the care of a doctor, please consult with your healthcare professional prior to using the plant.

For additional information, please visit: https://dulciomagdala.myzija.com/zija_nation/zn_core_moringa.html?country=us&language=EN

10 Reasons to Practice

Mindfulness

By Maggie Dulcio, LMHC, CAP

Mindfulness is a state of active open attention on the present.  Thoughts and feelings are observed from a distance without judging them as good or bad.

Here are 10 reasons to practice Mindfulness:

1. Mindfulness is good for our bodies—According to a seminal study published by the National Institute of Health in 2003, after eight (8) weeks of training and practicing mindfulness meditation, it boost the immune system’s ability to fight off illness.
2. Mindfulness is good for our minds—Several studies have indicated that mindfulness increases positive emotions and reduces negative emotions.  Mindfulness may be a good anti-depressant to fight depression.
3. Mindfulness helps us focus—The practice of Mindfulness helps tune out distractions and improves memory and attention skills.
4. Mindfulness helps improve relationships—Research suggests mindful training makes couples more satisfied with their relationship.  It also makes each partner feel more optimistic, relaxed and makes the couples feel more accepting and closer to each other.
5. Mindfulness is helpful for parents-to-be—Studies have suggested that it may reduce pregnancy related anxiety, stress and depression in expectant parents.
6. Mindfulness helps parents—It has been shown that parents who practice mindfulness report being happier with their parenting skills and relationship with their children.  In addition, their children were found to have better social skills.
7. Mindfulness helps schools—There is scientific evidence that teaching mindfulness in the classroom reduces behavior problems and aggressiveness among students.  It improves their happiness levels and ability to pay attention.
8. Mindfulness is helpful to healthcare professionals—It helps them cope with stress, connect with their patients and improve their general quality of life.
9. Mindfulness helps veterans—Studies suggest it can reduce the symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
10. Mindfulness fights obesity—Practicing “mindful eating” encourages healthier eating habits, helps people lose weight, and help them savor the food that they eat.

Another great weight management system is through Zija.  They utilize the power of the Moringa plant to develop a weight management program.  I’m a distributor and a customer, I have nothing but good things to say about the products.  For additional information visit: https://dulciomagdala.myzija.com.

Anxiety and your Health

By Maggie Dulcio, LMHC, CAP

Anxiety can be very debilitating to those who suffers from it.  It can be described as exaggerated worries and expectations of negative outcomes in unknown situations.  Anxiety can cause sufferers to dread everyday situations.  It can manifest in many different ways such as General Anxiety, Phobias, Social Anxiety, Panic Attacks and Separation Anxiety.  In many instances, anxiety co-occurs with Depression.  Often times, anxiety will keep people from sleeping, concentrating, talking to others or even leaving their home. Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S. About 18% of the American population is currently suffering from an Anxiety Disorder.

Anxiety symptoms may vary but common symptoms are muscle tension, headaches, stomach cramps, frequent urination, obsessive thoughts, sweating, heart palpitations, nausea, fatigue, dizziness, trembling or shaking and ritualistic behaviors.  Causes can vary from one individual to another.  There’s rarely one concrete cause of an anxiety disorder.  Contributing factors include brain chemistry, genetics, environmental conditions, upbringing and life events.  Other factors which may increase the risk of developing an Anxiety Disorder are long-lasting stress, chemical imbalance, family history and other mental health issues, trauma, and a history of abuse.

Anxiety disorders are treatable.  Medications alone have proven to not be effective in treating Anxiety.  There can be many side affects associated with anti-anxiety medications.  Often times, tranquilizers are usually prescribed for people suffering from Anxiety. Common medications for treating anxiety are Xanax, Klonopin, Valium and Ativan.  Options for treatment include Cognitive behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), group therapy and of course, medication.  There are alternative treatment as well such as Mindfulness, Meditation, Acupuncture, Yoga and Aromatherapy.  People my choose alternative treatment due to side effects associated with the use of medication.  Some common side affects are drowsiness, slowed reflexes, slurred speech, confusion and disorientation, Depression, impaired thinking and judgment, memory loss, nausea and blurred or double vision.

Many studies have shown that some essential oils are helpful in decreasing anxiety symptoms. Essential oils can be inhaled or applied topically. There are also some oils which may be safe for ingestion.  Be sure to read labels carefully prior to ingesting any oil.  Oils should be pure and not diluted or blended with synthetics that are unsafe for ingesting.  I’m a distributor for Zija International, they manufacture a line of essential oils and the oils are pure and pharmaceutical grade.  These are top oils on the market.  For additional information visit: https://dulciomagdala.myzija.com/zija_nation/zn_ameo.html?country=us&language=EN

What’s all the Rave about Essential Oils?

By Maggie Dulcio, LMHC, CAP

Did you know that often times we can look to nature to find help for our physical and mental ailments.  Our creator did an amazing job in ensuring that nature had all that the body needs to be completely well.  For hundreds of years our ancestors look to nature to treat many illnesses.  They used plants and herbs to treat digestive problems, fever, headaches and many more. 

Essential oils have been used medicinally throughout history.  Over the years with evolution of men and the advancements in modern medicine some have forgotten or failed to understand the power found in plants and in nature.  Nonetheless, in recent years, interest in essential oils has been revived with the growing popularity of aromatherapy.  Essential oils derived from plants.  It is the distilled liquid, most frequently by steam or water from the leaves, stems, flowers, bark, roots or other elements of a plant.  One may think, when you hear the term “Essential Oil” that the liquid is “oily”.  On the contrary, essential oils are not oily.  They contain the true essence of the plant from which they are derived.  Essential oils are concentrated so a little goes a long way.  Keep in mind that essential oils are not the same as perfume oils or fragrance oils.  Perfume oils are artificially created fragrances or contain artificial substances and do not offer the therapeutic benefits of essential oils.

The composition and aroma of essential oils can provide valuable psychological and physical therapeutic benefits.  Essential oils enter the body primarily in three ways: applied to the skin, inhaled, or ingested.  There are more than 90 types of essential oils, each with its unique smell and potential health benefits. 

It is very important to consider the following when choosing your essential oils:

Purity:             Find an oil that contains only aromatic plant compounds without additives or synthetic oils.  Pure oils usually list the plant’s botanical name rather than terms like “essential oil of…”.

Quality:          Choose a chemical free essential oil that has been extracted through distillation or mechanical cold pressing.

Reputation: Purchase from a brand with a reputation for producing high-quality products.

I get my essential oils from a very reputable company and the oils are pharmaceutical grade.  I am a customer and a distributor.  My therapy clients truly enjoy these oils. For more information, visit:

https://dulciomagdala.myzija.com/zija_nation/zn_ameo.html?country=us&language=EN

Finding Hope

By Maggie Dulcio, LMHC, CAP

A new journey is often challenged by hesitation, fear or anxiety; conversely, there are occasions when there is some excitement with the idea of a new undertaking. To say the least, I am experiencing some enthusiasm and some hesitancy with starting this blog. Writing a blog has always been a desire of mine, though fear of taking that initial step had held me back. I think the therapist in me challenged me to face my fear and here we are, viewer to the writing of my first blog entry. Part of the reason I’ve wanted to start a blog is to help inspire and guide others. As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, MY WORK HAS BEEN DEVOTED TO HELPING OTHERS FIND HOPE. I truly believe that people can live fulfilled lives no matter the circumstances as long as they have HOPE.

My story began as a little girl who grew up in an impoverished country and did not get to meet her biological mother until the age of 10 years old. I remember finding and holding on to HOPE. That HOPE helped me to accept my situation, live and appreciate what I had, endure hardships and believe that my current struggles were temporary.

I have been providing people with individual, family and group counseling. Parenting for divorcing parents is also provided at Oasis Counseling, LLC. In counseling, people have to feel comfortable to know that they can be themselves to open up and share their issues. I believe in a counseling environment where individuals don’t feel they are being judged. People come to counseling seeking guidance and looking to find HOPE.

I’ve helped people going through a divorce or separation of an intimate relationship. Divorce is a painful event, having small children while going through a divorce complicates matter. In the parenting course that I teach, the focus is on helping people process the effects of the divorce and help parents place their children’s best interest at the forefront when developing a parenting plan. Co-parenting is not easy but it does not have to be a nightmare. There is HOPE.

In my years of counseling, I’ve come to realize that emotional, physical and financial health are interconnected. I’ve seen so many people struggle with depression and anxiety because of lack of adequate financial means. When people stress about money, they can develop emotional and physical problems. Stress is often referred to as a silent killer. People often need to find HOPE. My work entails helping others find HOPE. Finding hope is crucial, it’s the beginning of the journey. It’s just as important to help people find solutions to their problems! That is the reason I’ve partnered with a company that offer real solutions to people while offering hope. That company is often referred to as the “Moringa Company”. Moringa Oleifera has been used for centuries to nourish and improve physical and mental wellness. Moringa offers over ninety (90) verifiable nutrients, over forty (40) antioxidants, strengthen the immune system and promotes mental clarity to name a few of its benefits. Moringa has also been used to purify water. Many people in the western world are not familiar with Moringa. This company uses the best practice in the business to harvest the Moringa plant and they have a propriety blend that they market. Additionally, this company has leveraged the power of network marketing to help individuals generate a source of income. For additional information visit:www.dulciomagdala.myzija.com. HOPE can be found here!

Maggie Dulcio