What is your parenting style?
By Maggie Dulcio, LMHC, CAP
Recently, as I conducted a parenting class, we were discussing Erikson’s psychosocial developmental stages. I mentioned from the age of three to six years old, youngsters experience the initiative vs. guilt crisis. During this stage, children need to have the opportunity for exploration. During this stage they begin to have the capability to devise actions and projects and a confidence and belief that it is okay to do so. Children are exploring and experimenting in pursuit of learning, development and confidence. As a parent, you want to allow children the freedom of adventure and discovery during this stage. During the discussion, one of the parents mentioned that he does not recall going through that stage as a child. Amusingly, this parent said he remembered as a child having strict rules and boundaries that were not to be crossed. He could not play in the house, if he was told to sit in the front porch, he knows he couldn’t budge until he was told to do so. His comments prompted the conversation about parenting styles.
There are four major styles of parenting, authoritative, authoritarian, permissive and uninvolved. The authoritative style is characterized by parents who are warm but firm. The parents have high demands but permit expression from the child. Parents who use that style engage in discussions and debates with their child about the rules but ultimately, the parents make the final decision. With the authoritarian style, parents display little warmth and are highly controlling. They are strict disciplinarians and insist that children follow parental directions. Authoritarian parents do not engage in discussions and debates about the rules with their children. Next is the permissive parent. They are very nurturing and warm and are undemanding. They are indulgent and passive in their parenting. They do not expect compliance from their children. Lastly, the uninvolved parents are not warm and are disengaged with their children. They can be so uninvolved to the point of being neglectful. They use the hands-off approach and do not care whether the child is compliant. Those are the four major categories of parenting but the research have shown that most parents use a combination of parenting styles.
Research has indicated that the authoritative style is the most effective parenting style. According to the research, children with authoritative parents tend to be independent, they challenge rules appropriately and behaves when parents are not present. On the other hand, authoritarian parents tend to have children that are withdrawn and anxious, they can misbehave behind parents’ back. Children with permissive parents are shown to be immature and have little self-control. Uninvolved parents have children that are angry, anxious and rebellious. With uninvolved parent, academically, children tend to poor-achievers. The authoritative styles seems to have the best outcomes for children.
We can agree that parents can affect children’s development. There is something else to be noted from the research; it’s that children’s behavior can affect parenting styles as well. Additionally, cultural factors also play a role in parenting styles and child outcome. In conclusion, it’s demonstrated that the authoritative style has the best child outcome but it’s important to keep in mind other social factors, culture and the child’s temperament.
Maggie Dulcio
Oasis Counseling, LLC 813-685-6700